Yesterday’s War. I hadn’t heard the famous stories about the Correo here, but learned first hand! I could subtitle this piece “destino seguro” (Destination assured), the brand tagline for the Guatemala Postal Service, as in “Correo, destino seguro”. Done! Dramatis personae are several clerks, a manager and me!
The Maleta
My gray suitcase is heavy and bulky, I have been parking it in storage at my hotel in Antigua and making side trips without it, but I am about to head back now on a shuttle or bus and I have to do something with the suitcase(maleta). It won’t work for shuttle travel and it was too heavy even before the new weight rules on flights, internal or external. I will have to pay excess baggage or ship it freight at the airport. Decision: send it home with as much stuff as possible!
Went to DHL in Antigua – quoted a price of $500US for 50 Kilos. They suggested Post Office for something longer but cheaper.
Not knowing how infamous the Guate Post Office has been in the past, I went and a helpful guy at the package pick-up said I have to put the maleta in a cardboard box and the maximum it can weigh is 20 kilos. Straightforward.
The Caja
No boxes at the market Papeleria across from the Correo! Find a box at the curb in front of the dollar store – guy wants $10Q for something he is throwing out – what a dealer! Says I can’t have the one I want – maybe it has garbage in it that makes it useless? I find another one that will do the trick. Pay the money, walk off with it in front, mochila behind.
Go to the other Papeleria down the street from the hotel, buy two legal size manila envelopes, a yard of plastic film and a pair of scissors. All adds up to less than$10Q. I am feeling personally effective. I go back to the hotel room, empty out the suitcase, segregating the books, which will be the big problem weight!
First order of business is to get the suitcase’s total weight down. I figure I can make it with 3 sets of shirts and underwear, the way I have been side tripping. The balance goes in the suitcase. Second priority is to chuck volume because the goal is to end up with a much lighter but also much smaller second bag/suitcase, with my very heavy carry-on and my man-bag and my dolly! Some books I can’t chuck because they are loaned and have sentimental value. I make a pile of blessed books and a pile for the damned. All the electronics related stuff I haven’t been needing, goes into the suitcase, all the stationery type items, the plastic lined bags of spare medicines, bandaids, polysporin, the water purifying kit, the plastic bowls. The surplus soap, sunblock and alcohol-based hand cleaner are on the damnned side. Ditto shoe polish kit, thermal blanket, rain cover, etc…Will buy and chuck again anything like this that I need. I manage somehow to get the suitcase down to what I think is 20 Kilos….
I print the address on the manila envelopes in blue permanent marker in my best cursive grass script and use my stapler to attach the cut-out plastic film to the printed envelopes, then center and tape the envelopes on to the box with scotch tape, further reinforcing the sides and corners with grey duct tape and finally taping the edge of the envelopes with duct tape as well. Looking pretty presentable, RutaMayaRainer!
Off to the Correo, with time to spare. They close at 5:00 and it’s just before 4:00! Just stick the string bag in my pocket on the way out in case I need to remove more stuff from the suitcase. Suitcase is about 18×30x12deep. The box fits nicely with about 6 inches to spare in height
Round One: Return to the Correo
A female clerk is at the desk now and a young guy. Say I was here in the morning, have brought the caja and the maleta and want to check the bag for weight. She says it can’t be larger than a meter and says it’s too big. But, gets out her measuring tape, tries a few times and caramba, it fits! Do they have a floor scale? No, I have to find that they say, they don’t have one! Then I say, why not use the counter top model behind the counter that they use to weigh and charge people. So I lift the whole suitcase clear into the air and onto the weigh scale, almost knocking the top of the counter off its base. It’s not secured. I am getting attention! They say it’s reading 18.5 kilos, “they say” because I can’t see read the scale with my eyes from where I am, which sounds good. Then we put on the caja, and it brings the weight to 22 kilos. We weigh the caja separately and it weighs 3.5 kilos. Can’t be that heavy!
But, I make the case that the caja is their rule and they should not subject me to a limit that includes their weight of the caja – it’s their system – to no avail! The younger clerk has sympathetic body language, which encourages me, but probably he is just a drone instrument.
The bell rings and I go back to my corner! I go to take the books out of the suitcase to reduce the weight 3-4 kilos. I stick the books in my string bag on the outer counter of the waiting room away from the locus of the drama. Not much effect at all when I weigh. I pull more stuff out of the suitcase and put it into the string bag, eventually leaving only my 5 shirts and a few lightweight items. Still not much budge from the scale pointer. Each time, more stuff into the string bag, less stuff in the suitcase. Eventually I empty the suitcase in frustration right on the counter over the string bag, just to show that even empty the weight is going to show something about the same! Their weigh scale is way off or there is something really nuts happening to our communication. I can’t figure it out. I can’t think anymore, I am so pissed off. I am looking for non-verbal messges. At one time the interchange between the young man clerk and the older manager suggested that maybe one was reading the pounds scale and the other one the kilo scale. It certainly didn’t feel like 20 kilos I was lifting straight up in the air! They are either stonewalling me hoping I will go away, their scale is out of whack at 20 kilos or maybe, to be charitable, they are assuming that I wanted to limit my exposure somehow at 10 Kilos and are trying to help me keep the cost down. The measurement wasn’t making any sense because my bag kept weighing the same 18 kilos even when it was empty. They must have been trying to keep me from following through with sending the maleta altogether!
Eventually, I left out the books in the string bag and put everything else back in. At one point, the manager said: OK, 18 kilos, that will be $1,051 Quetzals. I suspect he was deliberately inflating the charge to get me to stop the process. But, I said OK, which I think flabbergasted him. (It’s about $125US).
Round Two: Money
I am $100Q short when I count my money. They won’t accept US dollars. Off to the bank with my chin forward, carrying my string bag with the books. The bank is at the other end of the block. As I try to get in, the man with the gun at the door says, no I should go the other bank to change money. Probably I look like a security risk. I ask where that is; he says, next block. I walk up the next block, and then some , past another guy with a shotgun and get in line for the wickets. No problem this time.
Round Three: Papel!
Back to the Correo. When they see me quite determined and back with the cash, the manager actually starts to help me with sealing the box with their cello tape. Then the woman clerk who takes the cash says you have to put paper over the box, handing me sheets of 18×18 flimsy, must be ½ ply kraft paper, just like the ½ ply toilet paper they use here at the hotel. I can’t believe I worked all afternoon doing the labeling and now she wants me to cover the whole caja with paper and put the address on again! The manager mediates the request and says I only have to cover the butt end parts with the “Taiwan” printing on it from when it was used to package motorcycle helmets AND the top and bottom!. Too much! But, I point out that is all crossed out and I have “Toronto, Canada” all over it. I didn’t say what I wanted to which was “Nobody in their right mind is going to send this back to Taiwan.” Anyway: he actually helps me cover up the 3 sides up to my printed material. We are both engaged in a task of serious mindlessness! He decides on his own that the 4th side is OK without paper. As we work, one of us has to balance the load on the counter. There is no other workspace. We are getting quite intimate, even joking. We have put a flimsy paper frame around my printed address envelopes taped with cello tape!
Round Four: Estampas (Stamps)!
Then my enemy, the female clerk gives me a 12×16 in. sheet and a half of stamps and a little sponge with a handle and glue/water well and tells me I have to put the105, $10Q stamps, on the paper end I just taped on with the manager. Lick that! Lick them yourself, I almost said. Time for the bell! I wondered whether I should just lick the whole sheet and a half and die of poisoning right there in front of the counter! How would they explain that to their bosses? No balaza in the head or heart and there he is, dead in the Correo floor! Some of the watered/glued stamps stick, others don’t. She helps stick some of them down. She says its fine! Still looks slapdash to me. Anyway, my package goes on the other counter at the back wall with the smaller one addressed to Australia, one whole butt-end covered in $1051Q worth of stamps! We needed the paper on the butt end to hold the stamps, maybe? Always trying to see the logic!
Now, I have to fill out and sign the declarations. She gets pretty forceful saying: sign! I say no, what am I signing? I proceed to fill in as much of the form as I can make out, including adding the weight and the cost, which I think was inflated! She is getting muy enojada conmigo! I ask how long I will take, days or weeks? She says, two, no: at least 3 weeks! I ask for insurance. She ignores me. She gets really upset and gives me a copy of only 1 of the forms I signed back and says, en espan~ol: “Thank you sir,. That’s it. At your service!” They are closing.
TKO
I was so upset, I was going to follow through on the process no matter what. My bag probably went no further than their post office yard. Probably didn’t even make it to a truck. They probably cracked open some beers and burned it in effigy of me after taking off their precious stamps! “Destino seguro”: en la basura! And it cost me $125US to pursue this! AARRGGGHH!
Bag problem dealt with! Scratch that off the to-do list!
Went to the market, picked up a colourful tote bag for $15US and gave a bunch of books to the guy on nights at the hotel! Multi-tasking!
Time for a beer! Somehow hope they live up to the real meaning of their tagline and not my twisted take on it!
Rainer